i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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