dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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