How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
