He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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