The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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