You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
