i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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