you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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