My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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