I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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