took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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