i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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