Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
