you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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