Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
