Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
