I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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