is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
