i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
