well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
