woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
