So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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