He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
