My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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