my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
