I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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