Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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