Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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