So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
