saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
