your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Houston, we have a squirter
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
