Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
