Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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