I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
