Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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