I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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