i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
