Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
