I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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