I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
