She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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