There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy