and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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