addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
