I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
