Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
