I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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