He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
