Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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