also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
