Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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