I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
