So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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