We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
