I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
