I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My life is pants optional.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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