bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
