how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
