We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
